Statue!

Remember the game of Statue that we used to play while we were kids? When you are supposed to stand still without even batting your eyes...When desperately try not to move and fervently pray you don’t get a sneeze or a scratch? This is Statue that I am playing with myself – am holding still without batting my eyes – and while at that, am taking a look at my life...

• It feels exhilarating to start all over again. And its seems to be happening at the right time in my life
• I am almost jobless at work and yet content for the time being
• And life at the personal front has just settled down - my baby is going to turn one any day now and I have resigned myself to the way of life i have chosen
• Leaving the baby at home and going to work almost kills me, especially when I see her trying to wave me tata every morning with tears in the corner of her eyes
• I have become a mom and it feels like I have won the world. I want to spend more time with my baby but the pressures of life makes me keep moving without stopping for a even a thinking minute lest I realize something and take decisions that are not conducive to the situation am in
• After all, what would I do if I quit work and sit at home?
• Yes, there is baby, but what about me? What about the nice big house I want with the beautiful garden of my dreams? What about the car? What about the amazing life I plan to give my daughter?
• Nah, quitting work is not an option. Not anymore. Never was.
• But will baby grow up learning the right things? What about my role as a mom?
• Friends….. a word that I don’t utter these days. All my friends are back in Chennai and with my decision to move in the name of studies, career and marriage, perhaps I have forever foregone those wonderful souls that were around whenever I wanted them to be.
• Husband – ya, I am getting there. Nagging wife, loving wife, 2 year wife, numerous google searches, vetti time spent on ivillage reading all those self-help, how-to articles! Long way to go!
• Family – And by family hear I mean my amma, appa and my akka. And of course my niece and nephew. They are the real family to me. And how I miss them. Time is flying by so fast and before I realized it, my sister’s baby has grown up to a big girl. The baby that I held in my arms straight out of her mother’s womb (alright little exaggerated there!). Will I ever get those days back?
• I wish…. I wish so many things that I do not have the courage to utter out loud. I wish so many things…
• So many things……
• And I'm writing my blog in a bulleted list!!!!!!!!!!!