Stories to share

I have two stories to share. Stories that speak of hope, enthusiasm, empathy, a little greed, and of possible, suspected selfishness. The first one is because I wanted to help someone else and the second one was because of trying to help myself. I must warn you that both have a bad ending as stories go. The first one is longer because I always have more eloquence at the beginning of a post and the last one is smaller because I always get impatient when I’m nearing the end of something. Read on now.

It must have been mid-morning and as usual I am being social with my mobile on the way to an office that is an hour and half long far commute. It does get boring at times and I am usually looking for ways to entertain myself. Suddenly, I see a tweet that goes ‘I’m desperately looking for someone in Bangalore who has a PayPal account and who is willing to help me.’ On this particular day, the ‘social’ angle of the personality is spiking and I shoot a reply saying “me, me, how can I help?”. Before I know, I’ve been requested for a small sum of money – could I give it to this person in INR in exchange for the dollar equivalent which will be transferred to my PayPal? Well, yes I can but…No, I need it urgently, you know I have to pay my son’s school fee? And tomorrow morning is the cut-off – so could you please withdraw the INR and keep it ready for giving it to me? And no problem, I shall come over wherever you are to collect it. Um, okay, I guess I can….I just transferred the $115 to your PayPal, can you check and confirm? Oh yes, it’s there in my account …okay then, all set. I shall come over tomorrow.

I’m obviously not giving you all the details here but suffice it to say that the money exchanged hands the next morning. But I’m missing two important things I did do to ensure some sort of authenticity to this deal. I did check my PayPal account to verify if the said dollar has reached my account. And I did tell the person that I did not want to withdraw the dollar to my bank – can I just send it back to his PayPal account, and once he gets the money in INR, he can just transfer it to my bank here? Agreed, signed and executed.

Two days goes by. Can I please share my bank account details? The person has got the INR and would like to give it back but wait don’t give back the dollar just yet (remember this – this may very well be the saving grace at the end of this story). So I give my account details after a couple of reminders and then wait. And wait some more but no news from the other end. Then one fine morning at around 8:30 I get a SMS. I’m urgently in need of a big sum – some 15000 bucks – I’ve been hospitalized and I’m just short of this amount for a surgery that has been scheduled in a few hours. Please, can you give this to me? Hold on, hold on, something tells me. I reply back, with a little regret, ‘Sorry, I do not have that kind of ready cash on hand which I can give you in three hours’. I’m not sure if I received a reply or not. I write him another message, with a little concern this time, ‘please take care of yourself, I will withdraw the dollar after all, you get well soon.’ No reply to this one, I’m sure. He must have already been wheeled to the theater or something.

Fast forward a few more days. I realize I have 115 dollars lying in my PayPal account gathering cyber dust. I decide to withdraw it. I login and to my rude shock find that 5 dollars from the amount has been deducted as some sort of fees to PayPal. And it says that if I return back the money to the sender, this charge will be reversed. I quickly calculate what a 5 dollar is worth and decide that it’s not worth it to withdraw the money to my bank (there are more charges to withdrawing the money too – I will eventually lose some Rs.250 in the entire transaction). I send the person a Direct Message asking him to inform me when he is back in action – I would like the INR after all and would like to return back the dollar. I wait a few days – no reply. Then I check his stream – he does seem to have come back to form going by some of his personal tweets. So why isn’t he replying? I get impatient. I withdraw the money to my bank because I’m running short of some money this time and in the process I lose some money in banking transaction charges.

And till date, I haven’t got a reply from this person. All I got in return to the favor is a tweet that went ‘she is such a nice person, you must follow her today being that this is Follow Friday day’. That was when I gave him the 5k. So thank you, awfully nice of you but where is my reply?

Cut to the chase. I describe this to a few friends over lunch one day and everyone laughs at me for being so gullible. What if this guy was trying to con me? Did I know the source of this dollar amount – what if it was from illegal transactions (meaning not accounted for at India) and this person was just trying to convert it to INR in the safest means possible? Didn’t this person have relatives or friends here who could have given him 5000 bucks? Why all the dollar-INR game? And hear hear, the request for the bigger amount later turns the entire thing sinister. Didn’t I get even a little suspicious? Sharing bank account details with a complete stranger? Unheard of!

I did get suspicious. After hearing these from my friends. So that’s the moral of the story. Which I am not really sure I understand fully. So is trusting someone blindly a fault, especially if I’ve never met that person before? Or is suspecting a person a fault entirely based on trivial discussions over lunch? After all, he might very well have missed seeing my single message to him for returning the INR. Oh well, I just wrote that off as another stupid thing I have done in my life. I don’t really want to go back to him and check what happened. Just not interested. Only that Rs.250 could have been given to someone who needed it more – but that is my ‘oh ye of superior moral and generosity’ speaking.

Let’s move to the next story.

I get a message – ‘hey, you look to be very interested in all this entrepreneur things. I’m an E myself and would like to send you an email, can you share the address?”. I reply back blandly with the address. I get an impressive email asking me to help connect this person to other co-entrepreneurs who might be interested in starting a venture with him. But mind you, the language of the email never once says ‘start a venture with me’ – it just says ‘I’m looking for people with these kind of skills’. I hit the reply – “sure, will pass on the message’. “No, no, the email is meant for you too. From what I’ve observed online of your activities, I think you will make a great co-entrepreneur. I’m looking for someone who can take care of my entire marketing need for my business’.

Yours truly gets excited. The two of us meet a couple of times. The man has a way with words, I must admit but unfortunately, so do I. At the end of it all, after a particularly candid email from me saying ‘marketing is marketing and not business dev’ he walks away with an email ‘Uh, I’m actually looking for a business development guy who can help me sell and you can’t be that person if you can’t envision yourself to be a co-creator’. Ya, right sirjee, it’s your dream, your idea and you want me to help you achieve it but I should not call myself your employee but your co-entrepreneur’? You got to be kidding me?!

The moral of this one is that everyone is out to get their dreams fulfilled and they will use fancy words to get others to believe in them. But I wish they will be more honest and forthright like me. I hate dealing and wasting time with people who talk all vision and balk at the first sign of reality.

So those are the two stories. Hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed going through the experience. I did warn you that I get impatient when I’m nearing the end!

Adios till the next lot of them.

Please! Enough of these impersonal wishes now!

So many new year wishes...some forwards, some originally written, some on email, some as sms, some thru Twitter, some thru Facebook, and very few (none really) through a phone call! Whatever is happening to this world? No one is sending a real greeting card out, no one is picking the phone to make a call!

On the other hand, I am not really feeling enthused to reply to any of those smses, direct messages, scraps, or posts. Seems expected. Seems boring. Seems like lip(?) service! Its just another day, isn't it? A day is as you make of it, so what difference does the Earth returning to its original (?) position make to us mortals? As humans, we are always, ALWAYS looking for reasons to be merry! Seems stupid...why should there be a reason to let go and have fun?

Enough of the verbal (written?) diarrhea. Just an excuse to post really!

Finally there!

My own domain...finally there! And that shall break my long silence, yes?

My first Gollu

Lightning speed update

Sorry, I have been away longer than I intended. It’s just that some things have been keeping me away from mainstream life and it seems like am just floating around in this huge soap bubble reflecting multi-colored lights all around. Before I drown in any more words, a lightning quick summary of what I wanted to say.

The roundup of the Lightning Pitches session that I helped organize this July Startup Saturday is up over here. Read and let me know how you like it.

Meanwhile, I found Rang De, and I must say I just love the idea/concept. Will soon become a social investor myself.

Stay tuned.

High Fashion Therapy in Chennai

Whenever I go to the good old city, a visit to its fashion hub is the most important item on my agenda. The good old city that I mention here is the very traditional, very snobbish, very cultured, very mammi-ish, very dear, very beautiful Chennai. And the fashion hub is none other than the affordable (now that's an oxymoron, affordable high fashion!) line up of vendors at Pondy Bazaar in the center of the city, T Nagar. Especially hub for the latest and greatest in accessories, the kinds that you deck up your plain little (or big) ears with, and decorate your swan-like neck (or double chins) with, and embellish your sleek (or Schwarzenegger-ish) arms with, and for many more such innovative furnishings for your body.

I contracted the love for accessories from my sister, once known as a high fashionista throughout her college. The ailment once it catches you never leaves you, forever spoiling you for other lower afflictions such as the usual ones for gold and real diamonds. After all, how can dull bombs compete with the bright and artificial, not to mention affordable, stones of Pondy Bazaar? So thus began the long courtship, all its keepsakes treasured carefully in velvet boxes, Tupperwares, and laundry bags. Every six months, I take them out, sort them into neat little bundles, tag them appropriately, and put them back in the folders they belong, messed up as they are by busy hands on busier mornings. The process is very therapeutic, giving almost the exact same pleasure one gets while visiting the high street.

On my last visit to this sacred center, I decided to pay a little more attention to details and not just get drunk into a religious stupor of earrings, earrings, and more earrings. I wanted to see if I could use all that I was forced to learn during my MBA. For instance, in this street where every second vendor sells the same stuff, how do they differentiate themselves? Does it matter who you buy from? Is there any difference in quality at all from one seller to another? Do these guys love their job selling earrings, necklaces, bindis, tattoos, and clips? What kind of profits do they take home? Does their girlfriends, wives, and moms buy from them or go to their competitors elsewhere? Do they allow pretty maidens to have their way and shoplift a few items, with a good long view at their bosoms payment enough? I wanted to talk to a few vendors and find these out and more.

But all I managed to do was take some photos. I couldn't overcome my compelling and addictive habits. But it was very therapeutic though. Very.

Here are some of those photos, to give you a sneak view to High Fashion in Chennai.

Protospace Bangalore – What a lovely idea!

I chanced upon Protospace Bangalore via Twitter. It is such a lovely idea to create a shared infrastructure for independent professionals to work in. Kudos to the guys who thought it up.

The concept seems very simple – you are a professional who works alone, or maybe you are a freelancer who works at home, or perhaps you are an entrepreneur who is still incubating. Why should you spend unnecessarily in renting out an entire office space or apartment for yourself or just a small team? With the economy being the way it is (duh!), it makes so much more sense to work in a shared space and share all the associated costs that comes with it, doesn’t it? Or for people like me who are or want to be independent professionals, and for whom working from home is not an option (for reasons like discipline, discipline and then discipline) it is a great idea to operate out of a formal workspace such as this and yet have some control over your environment.

I have come across other forms of this concept before at the HeadStart discussion forums and other blogs. But those were more like vacant seats in an office which the resident companies were trying to get occupied and share the costs for them. But Protospace is a novel idea where ALL the residents of the workspace operate in a similar fashion. I don’t think more than half the residents will belong to the same company or group. And that’s what makes the idea look so attractive to me. There’s so many opportunities for interactions, inspirations, and synergies for the eventual residents of the workspace who will be from varied fields. And what’s more, they are even proposing shared facilities like coffee machine and library! Sounds perfect to me.

If only it was closer to home!

Anyone game to open another one of these in the South of the city? I wouldn’t mind helping you set it up.

Dear Ladies, want to vote for me?

This is what I wrote to my lady friends. Blogging for posterity!


Dear Lady Friends of mine, (Oh! what a cheesy way to address you guys, uh? I know!)

A contest for Mother’s Day was recently organized by IndusLadies (a community website for Indian Women, if you didn’t know already). Participants just needed to write a blog post on their most memorable parenting-related experience.

Naturally, I with my wannabe writer ambitions (ya, right!) decided to take part and try my beautiful Jupiter luck in winning the $200 high stakes. There were other prizes too like Jaldi 25 (the first 25 entries get an IL letter holder), the top ten entries get IL cap and T-shirt, the third best entry gets $50 and the second best gets $100 (Drool, drool).

All the prizes will be decided solely based on voting online except the Jaldi 25.

I really wanted to win at least the letter holder (but it didn’t look too attractive to me!). But me being me (whatever that is!), procrastinated until the very last date of the contest. But my last-minute burst of 3es (energy, enthusiasm, eagerness – ya invented it just now) that had always stood me in good faith didn’t let me down. I typed at 100 words per minute (believe me, ok?) and completed the post just in time.

Now it’s time for voting. (and some campaigning of course!)

Go have a look here at the fifty entries that poured in from mommies and others across the world. Read them whenever you find time and vote for the one you like best.

My entry is over here on my blog. I am kind of feeling nervous sharing this link with you all (being that this bares my soul to some extent!) but hey if you want to win you can’t be shy, right?

My contest entry is titled “Super-women need to be appreciated too, right?” and is dedicated to my mom. (I am planning to dedicate a post to you all if I win, heheh… cheesy cheesy me)

So… I hope you understood what I am saying here? (I knew you guys are super dooper smart otherwise we’d never have stayed friends **my evil laugh**)

The voting page is here. Go on, vote. Stand up for your friend’s rights (*allow me one dirty laugh here please*).

Make an informed choice though.

Have a nice Labour Day weekend girls.

Until I see you,
Most cheerfully,
VJ, Vaiju, Vaij (and the other million names you may have secretly called me)

The best cubicle in office

I believe I have got the best cubicle at office. It is right by the corner, separated by a four meter wide wall from the rest of the aisle, facing huge glass windows that look out into the world outside. Admittedly, the view is not ideal. There are new buildings being constructed in the area and there is a settlement of construction workers in their temporary asbestos homes nearby. But a little into the distance, and the horizon, there are only coconut trees and green lands and the blue sky unmarred by the smokes of Bangalore traffic on bright days.

Every once in a while, when I get bored of staring at the monitor, I look away into the window and watch the kids of the workers playing in the fields. They seem to be around four to eight years, three of them, and yet I see them every day. I wonder why they don’t go to school. Then I shake myself up from the corporate bliss and chid myself for not being more in tune with the ground level realities (literally!) that surround the IT parks.

The kids always seem carefree though. Unrestricted in anyway, with parents being away at the construction site, and no school, they do what do the best. Being kids. It is 2:30 in the afternoon, the sun is shining down harsh, but the kids continue to run around and frolic. And I watch, sitting at the best cubicle in office, protected from the heat by the air conditioning, earning to be out there with them in the sun. Freedom is a heavy word most of the times.

My first canine bite

It was a totally lazy Saturday. I had just then given bath to the lady of the house and was dusting her with some Johnson and Johnson's. The house dog, Rocky, slept peacefully wedged in the tiny space between the sofa and floor. All was well. I moved a bit to get some more powder for the lady when I suddenly felt something under my foot. At the same instance as my realization, that it is the dog's belly hair, I heard a great snarl coming from under and the next thing I know... my left leg is in Rocky's mouth! Like they show in movies, everything froze in time for a milli-second. The dog with my leg in its mouth, my daughter leaning down to stare at what's going on, my noiseless shock at the silly dog's action, Rocky with his eyes still closed!!!

He must have been as surprised as I am at his own action (he usually just bares his teeth or at the worst snarls when someone hurts him), that he actually bit somebody, he ran away outside as quickly as possible in remorse I like to think. But the vengeful soul that I am, my blood started boiling at the thought of being a hapless somebody under the mercy of a dog's teeth. What has god given me tooth for?? And it (my blood!) reached evaporation point when I examined my leg - it was bleeding! I saw red (all pun intended) and chased down the dog with a stick to give two sound whacks to its rear. It accepted the repercussion of its action rather meekly only to snarl back when I raised the stick the third time. Oops, tolerance point reached. My vengeful nature abandoned me immediately and I ran back inside the house part in fear part in regret! Though of course I was careful not to show the fear to the dog. I didn't want to have a fight with the pet, for heaven's sake!

I paced the house up and down constantly reassuring my daughter nothing has happened to me though the dog is a very very bad dog for biting mom (ya, I am a bad mom I know!). I tried calling my husband to sob out the entire story but the dude didn't bother to pick the phone. Huh, somebody please come! Fortunately, before too long, the dude decided to return back home. The minute I heard the front gate open, I rushed outside to dramatically narrate everything with the intention to get my husband to give his dog an earful first thing when he entered the house. But sadly for me, the first thing he did after hearing me out is take me to a doc for some anti-rabies shots. Does that show he loves the dog more than me or the other way? I couldn't decide.

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch - Three for the three shots of anti-rabies, One for the one shot of anti-septic, and the rest for pure effect.

My Saturday was ruined. If only I had watched where I put my foot (usually I put it in my mouth!), and if only the silly dog had not wedged itself under the sofa! Well, I just have to put it down to first experiences in life - first dog bite and a pet's at that! Duh!

I am a grasshopper

Ever since I heard the Ant and Grasshopper story when I was young, I have harboured a silent resentment towards ants, red ones in particular. The black ants are okay - I can tolerate them, in fact I enjoy watching them. But the red ones? They are the worst what with the added sting in their bites. Have you ever noticed the difference in behavior between the black and red ants? The red ants seem to be more studious, more committed and more boring while the black ones are interesting- they never look to be going in a single pile, all of them take initiatives and go off in different directions, and they even climb over humans to look for food. Their audacity, their quick movements and their adventurous spirit, and their "never hurt anyone" attitude endears them to me. But that's besides the point. Which is ants in general and the way they were compared to grasshoppers in the aforementioned story.

They (the elders!) shook their fingers in the kids' faces warning them - Do you want to be a grasshopper which died of starvation once winter came or do you want to be the ant which was wise enough to save for the rainy day? If my vocabulary and worldly knowledge was what it is today, I would have probably shown them the middle finger.

I could never understand why anyone would want to work and work and work and save and save and save for a winter that is a long time away?! Why not enjoy life now and then? We will worry about the winter when we come to it. So what if we die of starvation? At least we danced under the sun and sang to the wind.

So continuing from my previous post, I discovered few years ago that I can not be an ant however much I try. I would rather enjoy the now and then than work like crazy for a winter far away. I would rather be alone than have a queen ant presiding over me. I would rather break the line than follow some invisible scent and trodden path! I would rather be a grasshopper than an ant. So there!

PS: BTW, did you know that the average lifespan of a grasshopper is just 4-5 months in the summer? They can't live to see winter even if they want. So whoever wrote or came up with that story needs a lesson in biology!!

Embrace Chaos; Forget "Work/Life Balance"

Don’t let the title throw you off. Notice the quotes enclosing the Work/Life Balance? Yes, its time we all forget about the traditional “Work/Life Balance” concepts that have been ingrained into our nervous systems. With Technology gaining more and more prominence in the way we lead our lives, it has become near impossible to keep personal and professional lives apart. At least that’s what this new Forrester article titled “Embracing Chaos Is Smarter Than Seeking An Elusive Work/Life Balance” says.

In essence, the article neatly talks about how “Work/Life balance” previously meant a clear time divide – the so called 9 – 5 work culture and after that personal time. But today this is not possible especially for information or knowledge workers. With work roles getting more demanding, hazier, and Technology populism (Google that!) playing havoc, employees can no more be strict about leaving office dot 5 or 6. They are ready to stretch when required and don’t hesitate to take off early on a lean day. They check office email while having dinner and make vacation arrangements while at office. The line between personal and professional work becomes less and less defined while at the same time employees ensure neither is compromised or affected by the other. Agreed. In fact, I loved reading that article. BUT sounds like utopia for me. That is from where I stand.

• Give me an office where entry and exit are not tracked by swipe cards
• Give me an office where every other site is not restricted and every move the employee makes on his or her computer is not monitored
• Give me an office where the manager is more concerned about quality of work and timely delivery and less about your presence in office
• Give me a cubicle where I’m allowed to keep my desk the way I want without maintaining a clean desk policy (not even papers allowed, mind you) and where I can listen to music if I feel like it (of course, with a head phone – But some managers have problems with that as well, let me tell you. Strange world, this one!)
• Give me an office where I can install instant messengers to chat with colleagues across the World without incurring additional costs for the company– and if that lets my friends see me while am online and ping me, let not the company go “uh uh”
• Give me an office culture where I can talk to my colleague who sits across from me with out the manager going “tch, tch”
• Give me an office where work output matters and not appearances

I will gladly sacrifice my 9 – 5 attitude. Else, tough luck dude. My 6’o clock cab is waiting for me and I don’t miss it for any reason.

But as I said, this is a strange world. Most of what I said above does not apply to counter parts who sit in the West (for who or on whom this article was written I guess). They are free to clutter their desk anyway which way they want and they are free to visit adult sites if they wish. And let’s not forget – they can talk about going to a Dentist’s appointment with their sons and daughters in an international conference call with ten participants from ten different time zones. And all this within the same company I say - so you can’t get away with saying different company, different policies. So this is only for the offshore – you see, we got to maintain appearances along with other important things.

I did experience utopia just once. Or maybe twice. At my first and second job. Small company, smaller team, bosses who trusted you to get the work done without the need to look over your shoulders. Less irritated managers. Compared to my experiences since then, I can only say I learnt and imbibed the concept of “Work/Life Balance” much later. Much much later.

Ha! memory sure does paint the past rose, doesn’t it?

Confounding!!

I came across this blog post on the case of missing pets and the inability to unite them back with their family. The first thing that came to my mind immediately after reading it is this. I know this contrasting exercise is stupid and what's more this reminds me of my own youthful self back in college - who cared more about animals and who was very vocal about her views of the importance given to animal rights versus human rights.

Now more than five years later I seem to have made a transition to favoring the other side of the argument. Maybe it's because am a parent now. Or maybe it is because of the slowly penetrating cynicism. No, let's call it maturity of thought (You know...like...."how stupid can humans get? Thinking they can put animals on leash and hold them forever from their true nature, freedom, etc"... or should it be "What loneliness can do to humans?). Or maybe it is a sign of spiritual advancement (ya, right!). Or maybe it is simply because I stay in this side of the world. Whatever. It just seems so strange how priorities and people are so different across continents. No wonder the NRIs hate coming back.

On another note, tagging pets show that you care what will happen to them if they go missing. But a different take on that makes me wonder why humans want to have pets at all. My saucy sister-in-law will probably quip "these pets will be abandoned or without homes otherwise". Now, tell me isn't this like the Hen and Egg story? You want pets, so you breed or rear more and more of them...and then you are constantly looking to find a home for the surplus population... and so on and so forth. Why on earth did man domesticize animals in the first place? Duh, his stupidity is so confounding!

Women 2.0 Summit, Bangalore

After Web2.0, Marketing 2.0, Research 2.0, Enterprise 2.0, it's finally time for Women 2.0! Thank god!

Ok!Ok! On a more serious note Women2.0 Summit is an event being organized in Bangalore on the 13th of March by SiliconIndia. A glance at the event's agenda looks very interesting. An impressive list of names feature as speakers, and the panel discussion topics seem even more appealing. I'm particularly thinking of attending the discussion on "The Women Entrepreneurs" between 3:30 to 4:00 PM. But the duration allotted (half an hour for this topic versus the one hour for the others) is kind of disappointing - would have loved it to be a longer session.

Anyway, I hope to be there on Friday. The registration fee is a smallish Rs.100/ though I did get an email offer for free entry from SiliconIndia. So all I need to do is muster up that enthusiasm and overcome that reluctance of going alone, and I should be there.

Let's see if my manager will grant me leave (not that it matters if I really want to attend the event!).

Naan Kadavul

I watched the Tamil movie Naan Kadavul two weeks back. It was simply super dooper fabulous to say the least....and the best movie I have seen in sometime. Admittedly, it does showcase the harsher side of life - so if you are the kind who cant bear to take it then maybe you should stay away. I am planning to write a review soon - perhaps as a way to thank the Naan Kadavul team. I hope I get to it!

This Valentine season....

This Valentine weekend, the Ram Sena group headed to Lalbagh, Bangalore to ensure couples do not indulge in too much fun and frolic. However, members of the group were seen in compromising positions themselves and some were even seen neglecting their duty totally to chill out with the likes of other couples that were present. Shocking indeed to the larger community who rely on them to keep the couple menace in Lalbagh under control. Exclusive shots below.

Um, sort of!

Person A: Do you get up in the morning everyday and cook? Must be hard!
Person X: No! Noway!
Person A: Oh! So how come you bring packed lunch to office everyday?
Person X: Well…..
Person A: You have a cook?!
Person X: Um, sort of! I have a mother in law…..

Hmm, thank god for good and able mother in laws. Touch wood!

Pleasing others

Do you know any animal, plant, or any other living thing in this world other than man which tries to please another individual of its species? Fight definitely, seduce yes, love maybe, but please? Only man, I think, wants to please another man.

When I say please here, I would obviously like to make it distinct from other actions. Pleasing to me seems like something that is done with an ulterior motive. It is an act shrouded with niceties on top with a hidden interior. The act of pleasing itself is not the goal; the individual who is trying to please another is actually trying to get something else done. Maybe get the other person to like him, love him or give him something. Maybe it’s all about approval and acceptance.

Why do we want to please others? Why can’t we just say it as it is? Live it as it is? Why worry about what others think of you? Why worry about getting others to like you? Why care?

Why worry about fitting in?

Whatever!

PS: I read this somewhere in a blog.... “You don’t fit in because you were born to stand out” .....Loved it.

Edited to add: I came across an interview with Yvonne Foong in a newsletter, and when I went to her blog I found a post titled "Pleasing people is stressful, then why do it?". Yes, pleasing others is awfully stressful and if you are compelled to do it for an important cause (like Yvonne), it will be even more nerve-wrecking. Hope Yvonne gets all the support she requires, financially and otherwise.

Of diseases, ailments…. and thoughts

I read these two pieces of articles today that got me thinking about ailments, diseases, and their cures & treatments. At first glance, the articles appeared totally un-connected. The first one talks about this new method of treating Cancer – threateningly yet comfortingly named “CyberKnife”. It is a robotic radio surgery system which has been imported to India for the first time that will enable Cancerous cells to be destroyed through minimal surgery without affecting the surrounding tissues. The procedure is completely automated, does not require any monitoring by doctors or experts, and the patient gets cured of Cancer within as short a time as a week compared to the 5-6 weeks treatment under the traditional surgical method of Cancer treatment. The article makes one imagine the patient getting up and walking away after the surgery (maybe a few days later), returning to the life as he knew it (at least the semblance of one) before he discovered the disease.

The second article is about the holistic healing of mind and body. It is an excerpt from a book called “Heal Thyself” and talks about how treating diseases with just material intervention is totally useless. The excerpt starts with saying that diseases are manifestations of the unrest between mind and soul in the physical body. It is merely a symptom of disquiet in your self (beyond the physical body) and treating just the physical body is like doing away with just the symptoms and not really the underlying cause of the disease.

Now, let’s go back to the first article on CyberKnife. By just killing the cancerous cells in one’s body if one can do away with their disease it is wonderful. But what about the underlying cause of those cancerous cells? How did they come about? What caused them? What is the guarantee that they won’t recur again? In a few words, no. No guarantees. The doctor (or the robot computer) does not know why the patient got Cancer but what they can do about it is to make sure the Cancerous cells are destroyed. Maybe as fast as the body can produce them. So in essence, the procedure only treats your symptom- in this case the undisciplined cells, and not what caused the Cancer.

I am not being harsh. I do not expect people to live with their Cancers…..We all seek to get cured of the different ailments and diseases that strike us as quickly as possible, and if they can be done away with by a simple visit to the pharmacy, we are happy. Take for example, my daughter contracting the ordinary cold. By principle (and psychological fear of medicines), I avoid taking tablets and hope to get cured naturally (by which I mean letting my body take care of itself, believing in its immune system, and plain and simple willing myself to get cured). So I am trying to pass on this belief and follow the principle with my baby as well. I do not give her any medicines for the first two days. I watch her suffering with her dripping nose, put up with her irritable mood, struggle with feeding her, and generally get dejected myself before succumbing to the temptation of an OTC drug. I am relieved when I watch her breathe easy next day. My husband and in-laws are happy too with an “I told you so” expression in their face silently chiding me for not giving her the syrup at the first sign of a leaky nose.

With a passing thought to my principle, I forget all about the situation and we all get on with our life. I console my mind saying that I can’t impose my principle on others and make them suffer for it. If my daughter can get well within a day by taking medicines, by all means she should. Why would I put her through those miserable two days in the name of natural curing?

Now, if the situation were to be about me…….. My principle does hold good better than that. That is, if it is just a cold. Give me something worse than that, I’m as susceptible to human temptation as anybody else. For instance, some of the worst diseases/ailments that happened to me physically were Malaria, Jaundice, and an arm ‘almost-fracture’, not to mention those endless hours of toothache. I have memories of twisting and turning long into night in pain and “something else” which only the diseased know about. I would have gladly worshipped the docs who had treated me. No natural cure for me sir, no. Bring on those painkillers and antibiotics as soon as you can get them, please.

Ha! How fickle the mind is. How vain in touting principles.

Now coming back to Cancer and treating the underlying cause. I had this friend once whose father had died of Cancer. During one of our many conversations, we happened to discuss that and what he said about his father’s death made profound sense to me. His father had been fighting with Cancer for a long time before he succumbed to the disease. My friend remembered his father as a strong man, some one who never believed in defeat and who always fought till the end. He was the kind who wouldn’t let anything affect him much, not even the most terrible of diseases. So naturally, even after he discovered his disease, he kept up his good spirits and those around him. But soon, the pain and suffering caught up with him. But he fought for years. And his family really believed that he would come out of it. Until the day before his death. That day, his father just admitted defeat. He became mentally exhausted and told his family that he couldn’t take it any more. He was giving up. He died the next day. To this day, my friend believes that his father did not die of Cancer. He died because he chose to die. He died because chose not to fight any longer.

This leads me to another thought (or theory if you will) that I have heard about Cancer. They say that Cancer is just a manifestation of the fear of death in your mind. You fear dying and slowly the cells in your body get that message. They start refusing to die themselves. And there you have it, uncontrolled growth of cells that don’t die. Cancer in other words. Yes, all of us fear death in one way or another but maybe those who get Cancer are more afraid of it than the rest. Maybe it is more psychologically deeper than that. The theory goes on to add that ultimately the cure to Cancer is tackling that fear in your mind. Just accepting death as a natural consequence of being born. If only that was as simple as it sounds.

Tying all this back to the article on holistic healing of mind and body….. One does need to be really strong to believe in one’s own sense of healing. Healing both mentally, physically, and spiritually. Not giving into the easy ways of curing just the physical body. Difficult. Very difficult indeed.

Eat Poop, You cat!

I played this game called "Eat Poop You Cat" at a recent class of mine and it turned out to be really funny! The game is similar to "Chinese Whisper" aka "Telephone" with a bit of pictonary thrown in. Though originally I had intended to have the students play "Chinese Whisper", "Eat Poop You Cat" sounded even better when I read about it in Wikipedia.

The way it is played is simple - You start off with a phrase, the person next in line draws a picture to represent the phrase, the person after gives it a heading (phrase), the next one draws again and the next gives it a phrase again and so on and forth. Of course, participants should not show their phrase or drawing to anybody else other the immediate one next to them. So by the time the game moves to the last player, the first phrase is completely distorted and least resembles it! And it is totally hilarious. If you don't believe me, check this out. Somebody has made the effort to capture some of the "Eat Poop You Cat" games people have played.

Traditionally, the game is played on a single sheet of paper with participants folding the filled part to conceal it from the subsequent players. But since my class had lot of students, we decided to have each one write/draw in their own paper and just show it to the next person for a brief while before taking it back. I collected the papers from all of them at the end and we had a good laugh going through the evolution my phrase (I started it) went through! I'm sure it would have even more funny if I had not warned the students to refrain from obscene or sensitive phrases/drawings. Being a facilitator made me a prude :(

Anyway, check out the results for yourself below.... how my starting phrase "The crocodile smiled at the silly green bird" became "Four of them laughing"!!!!!

The Crocodile smiled at the silly green bird

The Snake is trying to eat the Chicken

A person harrasing another with false words (!)

A person is scolding someone

Jolly days with team mates (!)

Lucky boy with 2 gals (!!!)

A group of people talking

Four people standing together and discussing

4 cartoon standing... they are talking to each other

Four of them laughing

BTW, if you want to know how the name of the game came about, I have no clue. I'm as curious as you. A prelim search on Google didn't reveal anything great!